I want to start this post with a disclaimer. In this post, I'm going to be talking about my experiences in 2020: my struggles, and my successes. But I don't want to disparage those who have faired worse than I have. This year has been hard on everyone, and some people much more than others. Even if all you did this year was survive, I congratulate you and I want you to consider that a win.
As for me, the year offered many great challenges, but it also offered up many opportunities. I am not generally a very social person, so to begin with the idea of not being able to go into work and/or interact with people didn't bother me too much at the beginning. But that peace faded very quickly. I had a friend from a previous office at work who I'd get lunch with usually once a week, and I really missed being able to do that. I missed being able to see the families of myself and my wife. We moved our RPG sessions online which still worked, but lost any out-of-game personal connection.
But I did find myself with some extra time, and with a lot of extra drive to push in my creative efforts in order to try to fill in the areas in which I was lacking.
Getting the whole Book of Destiny out there is a tremendous accomplishment. I've said it before, and I'll stick to it: The Books of the Universe is the project I'm *supposed* to be working on. So it's nice to be somewhat successful in getting it out, even if I have been less than successful in finding an audience. If you haven't checked out my audiobook-style podcast, you can listen from the first episode here: https://anchor.fm/booksoftheuniverse/episodes/Episode-101-An-Allowably-Costly-Bargain-ecat9r or on your podcast app of choice by searching "Books of the Universe."
At my day job, I also went through a strenuous process to get an important certification that will help me moving forward.
In my home life, my wife and I were certified to provide foster care. We provided short respite care for a child on a few occasions, and we had a longer placement for somewhere between one and two months (my memory and gauge of time are *really* hazy). We've also been helping out with sometimes watching my niece who is adorable.
But, despite that it's been productive, this year hasn't just been success after success for me. I've faced some of the deepest bouts of depression that I can remember. In sitting here trying to figure out how to talk about the challenges that I faced this year, I'm finding myself at a loss of words. The struggles that I've gone through this year have been great.
And I've learned a lot about the fickle nature of my depression. Originally, my depression was something that kept me from finishing editing the Ruins & Robots books, but during the depression I faced in the pandemic, despite that it was a worse depression, I was able to finish editing books 2-4 and get books 2 and 3 out. However, things that I would have been able to do without trouble before (even while my depression was preventing me from editing R&R 2-4), proved impossible for me to do.
One of the interesting things is, while realizing that a lot of my depression during the pandemic has been fueled by a lack of connection to other people, I know that the way to get out of the worst bouts of it is to reach out to people who care about me via email, phone call, or other similar means. But this is something that, in my deep periods of depression, I'd find myself entirely unable to do, causing my depression to feel all the worse when I'd try and not be able to. Eventually I'd start to feel a little better and I'd reach out to people, but by then I was past the worst of it.
I don't really know what to do with that knowledge, but it's there.
What I've got planned for 2021:
- Books of the Universe Season 2: The Book of Virtue. I've got this one mostly written right now. I'm hoping to finish up the writing, edit it, and start putting out the podcast sometime later this year. But that depression I mentioned earlier is making it hard to focus on finishing the draft right now, so we'll see what happens.
- Book of Destiny: Physical Release. I'd like to do some more editing of the Book of Destiny before releasing it in print and ebook form so that people can read the words instead of just listening to them.
- Ruins & Robots. I've got book 4 basically ready to release. Then I plan on putting out a physical volume that contains 0-4 in print. I have a lot more R&R books planned, but I'm not sure how motivated I am to get them written at the moment
- Actual Play Podcast? Something I've wanted to do for years is to run an actual play rpg podcast. I've been trying to figure out the logistics of moving forward with this, probably with a Cypher System game, but I'm not sure I have time to run and/or edit together such a thing. So we'll see what happens.
Sounds like it's been a a big year for you- in ways both good and bad. Depression is such a fickle beast. I can relate to the idea of knowing that I'll feel slightly better after connecting with someone, but just not having the energy to do it at the time. While the self-awareness is good, it's not helpful when we don't find ourselves able to act. I'm not sure if this helps, but I've found it useful sometimes to have a set plan with Brandon. Of course, there are times when both of our mental health states aren't great, and it's more challenging. But sometimes he's able to remind me that I need to reach out to others, or he's able to help me facilitate that. It's easier said than done, but sometimes having someone else tell me that my goal for the day is to reach out to a friend helps me feel accountable and motivated. Either way, if it ever helps talking with Brandon and me, we're always here for a chat, or an online game or movie night.
ReplyDeleteDespite all that, you should be proud of how much you've accomplished this year. We've really enjoyed the consistency of the Book of Destiny and admire your dedication in commiting to that! I'm sure others have appreciated listening and sharing that fun adventure with you too.
That is also very impressive about the Daily Audio Bible and sticking with that even when you felt daunted about falling behind in the past. I'm glad that was able to provide you a little hope and peace during this challenging year.
The fact that you and Hope provided such a loving and stable environment while fostering is no small feat. You should be very proud of yourself for everything you've accomplished this year.
Best of luck with all your goals for this year! We'll look forward to the Book of Virtue especially. ☺️
I really appreciate your supportive and thoughtful words of encouragement!
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